Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Mum & Dad

If you ever have the chance to read this one day...
perhaps you'll finally understand.............

You said I'm too quiet sometimes
You think that I'm not happy when I'm spending time with you......

What you don't know is...
Every time
While you are smiling to the praises from other parents
While you are enjoying the pride of his excellence.....

I'm right behind you...
In his shadows.........................

It hurts a lot....
I wake up in the middle of the night...
Because of heartaches....

I dread meeting relatives and teachers....
I'm worthless in their eyes now....

I'm scared...
Of what I have to face in the future....
Once he finishes Form 5...
I'll be nothing in people's eyes....

Many times
I thought of leaving...
Begging to be taken away.....
So that I don't have to face all these anymore....

And I can finally be Free..............


Friday, December 17, 2010

Shake it Up!!



F.I.S April Batch

Shake Up Christmas 2010

.................

Coming soon

22.12.10



Excited!!



Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Mae Salong ....

Went out for dinner again...
This time we went oriental...
Thai Food!!! C= kakaz.....
- Mae Salong -
Somewhere deep in a Malay Kampung near my campus....

Before that..
Guess what I saw on my way there!!!
You guys should seriously see this! The sky was soooo freakin' pretty!
Too bad I didn't have a better camera with me ...

















Okay..Moving On~~
The place was AWESOME!!
Looks exactly like a classic Thai Village C=
Ponds, small bridges, fishes, wooden swings...... You name it!!



First thing that caught my eye once
I got there....
PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM!!! .....=)
*faint*
I had dessert before meal... *shhhh..* haha!

One thing I like about the place..
Everything is made of wood!
The tables, the chairs.....
And even the toilets.....
They use wooden ledges to lock their doors!!!
you know like from the old chinese movies? =P


And then dinner was served...
Fish was awesome..
Tofu was wonderful.......
The tom yam was.... *omg*.... Superb!!!

Definitely worth sacrificing my bio project =P
oops...


Thats all for now peeps.... C=



Merry Christmas!! Too early...?

Sooooo in festive mood....
Can't get myself to actually..... study
Even my roommate is starting to complain that I'm not studying..

Well, I'm not the ONLY one with christmas mood.. kakaz
An intended Physics project meeting became a Christmas Party Meeting!!! =P
Yup! A Christmas PARTAAAY!!
With Loud music. Food. Games. Dance.
and....... hopefully a Santa *giggles*
We even came up with a committee just like *snap* that....!!
Thnx to Mr. Hamster and his craaaazy christmas mood!

Anyone fancy to help me shop for Santa hats? hehe ...C=









Saturday, December 11, 2010

If only.....

My parents were having a parent-parent conversation today.
I walked away the instant the other parents started to talk about my brother's results.
It was kinda like a reflex action.
An insult.

Ask me what is the one thing that I regret the most in my life...
SPM

My friends made it into Matric Colleges and INTEC.
I didn't.
My brother gets really excellent results in school.
I didn't.

And so you see,
people tend to look down on me.
The way they look at you, can kill you on the spot.
Even my parents made me feel that way sometimes.
But still,
I forced a smile every time.
And cry my heart out when I'm alone.......

Trying to prove them wrong is really tiring..
I'm thinking of giving up now.

If only I did better in my SPM..
Things will be so SO different now....

Take me to a place where my past is not known. Then people will no longer judge me anymore....







Thursday, December 9, 2010

F.U.N

Dear blog, please forgive me for neglecting you for the past ermm.... 3 days?
I was too busy... having fun =X

Went for pizza yesterday...
Decided to ditch chicken rice again... C=
Thumbs up for the Ocean Tuna... Awesome!!
And I seriously think it wasn't ice lemon tea was drinking in the karaoke box O.O
Yea. I went singing.
No. It was not my idea. =P
But it was fun C=
*hearts to pying and yyan*

Theme for Dinner & Dance
BLING BLING @.@
Still in doubt whether to attend =S
The dress, the shoes, the hairdo, the makeup...
*faint*
That is a WHOLE lot of stuff to take care of...
Hire me a fashion consultant then maybe I'll consider =P













Sunday, December 5, 2010

Fading.....

I was trapped in a dark, lifeless world
You guys came along
Painted it with colours
Thousands and thousands of beautiful colours....

All of these
Like I'm a dream
A dream that is going to end very soon
And I'll wake up to my dull and grey world......

Every one of you will be gone,
Far far away

And then no one will be there to paint my world anymore.......











Thursday, December 2, 2010

First Thursday

Thursday.
Embarrassed during Maths lecture. @.@

Imagine this:
You get up from your seat which is right in front of the lecture hall.
Planning to make your way to the washroom.
With few hundred pairs of eyes on you.
All of a sudden, the lecturer stop his lecture on calculus
'I thought I just gave you all a break? The weather too cold is it?'
*smacks* So should I sit down or keep walking?
And then he goes on about sweating makes you go to the washroom less......
As you walk pass the crowd...


-Bad news of the week-

There IS REPLACEMENT ON SATURDAY
WHY??????
Putting me in serious dilemma now...
Should I skip..... or not? Deep down in my heart I want to!

Mum, Dad... Please understand that I miss home like CRAZY!!!
Let me go home....Pretty pretty please.... =(













The Secret remains a Secret

I've decided........

I don't see the point of spilling it to you
since it won't make any difference anyway.........





The secret will remain in the DARK corner of my heart.....





Tuesday, November 30, 2010

-D2- [Part 2]

You know how sometimes you can feel the connection between something..
But you just can't seem to figure out why.
Every time I look at photos of the RMS Titanic
I feel... something...
Sad? I don't know.

Now I have to work on The Sinking of Titanic for my Physics project.
The photos of the beautiful and luxurious Titanic.
The beautiful wreckage of the legend under the sea.
The stories told by the survivors of the liner. So depressing..............

Okay, let's leave that a side shall we?
Guess what I had for dinner today.... Steamboat!!! Hostel style using a slow cooker...
Interesting eh? hahahaha....
I think I had too much of mushrooms. I don't feel well right now.

Feel like throwing up....................................

Anyway,
Friends from Selangor are coming over to Penang this weekend!!
AWESOME! C=
Can't wait can't wait!





-D2-

2nd day of Term 3...
Decided to blog as much as I can before life gets too busy
And yea... I'm still homesick!
Friday is still a long way for me...
But at least I get to go home!!! C=

My crave for Subway is back O.O
Why is it always Subway of all things?

Today's lectures were not as bad as yesterday's
No more histories.. haha
But the projects are starting to pile up.
Any idea on what topic to choose for a Physics project peeps?

I'm getting more and more emo by the day..
Imagine 'Talking to the Moon' almost made me cry in the Lecture Hall!
Guess I'm losing my mind before the stress even started....

Monday, November 29, 2010

THE first day... again =(

I'm back to the same old Boring routine of 'Eat.Study.Sleep'
And.... I'm homesick. Already! =(
I miss my family. My bed. My room. My blanket. My pillow.
*Sobs*

Stress is going to build up soon alright.
In fact faster than the previous terms.
Wonder if I will lose my mind or successfully kill myself this time.

The first day of Term 3 was....
Boring. No. REALLY boring.
Started off with Bio. Which was still bearable since she let us off an hour earlier.
But Maths was... @.@
We spent maybe half an hour listening to the 'History Of Pi'
Well just a little... But he moved on to History of Exponentials. =.=
English tutorial was entirely about the lecturer and his trip to..... Vientiane.

To add to my miserable first day.....

I left my jacket at home! Please please PLEASE don't rain.
The library will be my torture chamber then.........

S.O.S peeps!





Sunday, November 28, 2010

Melted.... haha


The best MV ever!
Touched... *sobs*
He can melt hearts... C=
Didn't really like his hair though... =P

- Bruno Mars Forever!!-

Saturday, November 27, 2010

New Beginning...*cheers*

Despite all the 'mumbo jumbo' for the past few days
and of course the fact that I have to start studying again....... =(
Music NEVER fails when it comes to healing..

Music,
The one and only thing that controls my mood.
It can throw me into deep depression for no apparent reason.
And it can drive me craaaaazy...... =P

Once again, music did it again C=
I'm back in action. *Thumbs up for Bruno Mars and his AMAZING songs*

I'm ready for you -Final Term-
You're gonna get PWNED!!! muahahaha...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Who is..?

I Know I'm not perfect
But at the end of the day
.................
Who is ?


-Bruno Mars-

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Sick of -Average-!

I may have my mind set on what I want to be in the future.
But getting there is not easy for me.
Especially having sweaty palms in the way.
In fact, it is causing a lot of difficulties in almost everything I do.

Origami is definitely a No for me.
I don't dare to shake hands with people.
Writing can sometimes be really difficult sometimes.
To me, this is one very embarrassing thing to confess.
I thought that was all. Until I decided to take up dentistry as my career.
Now, THAT is REAL problem.

With dentist and surgeons out of the question.
My only option will be a consultant doctor. If I insist on taking medicine.
I thought I can finally achieve something in my life.

I've been AVERAGE in everyone's eyes
Well I guess

Even fate thinks I deserve only AVERAGE.....

Monday, November 22, 2010

P.B.I.M 2010

Something woke me up at 4 a.m.
Probably my neck or maybe the sudden downpour..

First thing that came into my mind -Marathon -
My neck, the bad weather, well... the fact that I love sleeping more than anything in the world =P
I was about to give up the marathon
Until I saw the half marathon runners from my kitchen window..
I was impressed...
'Running in the rain looks fun!'

Thanks to the misleading information by the emcees
I started a few minutes later than the other... >.<


Being a 'lone runner' wasn't that bad after all...
With the breeze and the rain drops hitting on your face as you speed up..
True enough, running in the rain was fun..!!
I was enjoying the sunrise throughout the journey..
Looking at the sky change colours was magical!!

At last, The finish line!!
Man...was I excited!!!

The 'cheerleading' squad scared me a little though.. haha
I can't seem to figure out what they were trying to say but I do know they were screaming.. something....... =S

10km. One hour. Satisfaction C=
PBIM ROX!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Flawed. Too Flawed...

Even the toughest ice will one day melt into nothing but only a puddle...
I was wrong
Forcing a smile is not as easy as I thought..

I admire them..
Pretty faces
Brain of a genius

...... everything that I can only dream to have

'No one is perfect' they say...
But I'm too flawed
Too flawed to be valuable in anyone's eyes.......

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Another piece of Snow Puzzle....

Was roaming QB alone today...
I have a habit of observing people (NOT... in a creepy way)
And then my mind started working..
A part of my memory came back to me

Being away from home
for the first time for such a long time..
Honestly, it's scary
You can't imagine how long spent praying
the night before I went to AIMST.

Not long after,
there I was
All alone in a brand new place.
Then,
I met her. My roommate. My first new friend in AIMST.

We had a great time together.
I told her everything. My studies. My family. My crush. EVERYTHING.
Just when I thought I found someone I can trust
Things turned ugly as she started to blend in with my friends.
She refused to talk me. It was like she's trying to go against everything I do.

I was heart broken. Scared.
The thought that I'm losing all my friends.
That I'm alone.

I cried. Almost everyday.
I wanted to call my parents.
But something in me kept telling me not to.
The last thing I want to do is to worry my parents more.

So,
I kept everything to myself.
Not willing to trust anyone ANYMORE.
I remember,
One of classmate told me
'If the friend is a true friend. He/She will come back to you eventually. And you two will be much more closer than before.'

I started to rebuild my confidence after some time.
But I lost trust in everyone.
I practically closed myself from the world.
I don't feel like myself now.

True enough,
she changed in the 2nd term.
And yes,
we became closer to each other than before.

I'm glad that I have her back.
I really am. C=
But, deep down inside.
I just can't convince myself to trust anymore........

Monday, November 15, 2010

Don't even THINK about it!

Let Me In
'Innocence dies, Abby doesn't'

It sounds catchy doesn't it?
Even the posters are...

Trust me..
This is the last movie you want to watch
EVER!

The same scene keeps repeating itself
over and
over and
over and
over and
OVER AGAIN!


It was like watching Twilight Jr.
with more blood and violence.....

The fact that I'm watching the love story of a 12 year old boy and his vamp girlfriend
Is seriously disturbing to the MAX!

I was practically waiting for the end of the movie to come..

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Do or Die.....

One week....
Thousand over pages..
And only ONE BRAIN.....!!

Repeating the same routine...
Every single day...
For One WHOLE week....

1. Wake up to 'Spongebob alarm' (shhhhh....haha)
2. Get dress
3. Drag myself to breakfast and then...
4. TO WAR!!!!
5. Back to sharpening 'weapons' >.< 6. Repeat steps 1 to 5. AT LAST!!! It is over!!!!!!!!!! This week maybe stressful and tiring.. But, who knows... I discovered loads of Beauuuuutiful things in the way.... C= Roomies got closer together.... Gives the feeling of - Home - *hearts*



A day before Maths paper...
This was exactly what I saw when I laid my head back to rest my neck.......

I don't know about you..
But I find the colours really pretty!

That was when...
My roomies and I started to take photos of...
The Sky~ hahaha


(These are all from my phone. Excuse the poor quality. >.<)




Saturday, November 6, 2010

New kind of Phobia?

I know it looks like I didn't mind much.
But deep down inside..
It hurts a lot.

Reminding me that I'm
Not belonged,
Not important,
Over and over and over again..

Yet,
I had to act like
Smile and celebrate along with the others
Every Single Time...

Sad to say,
such a happy celebration is now


Officially


A Phobia to Me......

Behind the faces....

Sometimes,
I regret getting good grades in primary.
Relatives, Teachers, even colleagues of my parents....
They will be expecting a lot from you....

I didn't manage to be in the top 5 since secondary school....
Things changed...
The way they look at me is totally different.

But,
What they didn't know was...
That gave me pressure....
Tore down my confidence..
It is like I'm nothing in their eyes anymore.

Why are people all so realistic?
It is either you have the LOOKS or the BRAIN...
People without any of the two are NOTHING in their eyes..
That is so PATHETIC...
People who are AVERAGE are still HUMANS!!!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Hearts to this....

Baby come close let me tell you this
In a whisper my heart says you know it too
Baby we both share a secret wish
And you're feeling my love reaching out to you

Timeless
Don't let it end no
Now that you're right here in my arms where you should stay
Hold tight baby
Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
This is timeless love

I see it all baby in your eyes
When you look at me I know I feel it too yes I do
So let's sail away and be forever baby
Where the crystal ocean melts into the sky
We shouldn't let the moment pass
Making me shiver let's make it last
Why should we lose it don't ever let me go

Timeless
Baby its timeless
Oh baby its timeless

Timeless
Don't let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It's just timeless
It's just timeless

Love

Timeless -Kelly Clarkson & Justin Guarini

Ugly Side Of The Beautiful......

18 years of life...
Taught me a valuable lesson......
Changed me a whole lot....
Took 'Trust' from away my dictionary forever.....

I was so naive to think that life is a fairytale...
And everything will eventually end with 'Happily Ever After'
I was wrong.....

Life is indeed beautiful in someway...
But there is one dark corner of life...
That will slowly reveal as you grow up...

After everthing that has happened to me throughout these 18 years..
I just realised that I can't trust anyone entirely..
50/100 is the highest trust I can give to someone...

[Do not judge a book by its cover.]
I strongly agree to this statement.
People are like roses. The prettier and the sweeter they look.
The deadlier they are..
They wear a mask in front of the crowd.
Being sweet, cute and lovable. Just to make everyone obey their wishes.

Living among people in this world,
requires more skills than you can ever imagine........

Sunday, October 17, 2010

雪......and the story behind it...

. Snow in chinese.
I've always wondered why was I given this name...

My grandpa left a month before I was born.
I didn't have the chance to meet him.
Mummy said he was a really nice man....
Strict but very responsible and caring.
Just like Daddy.......

Everytime I visit his grave...
I'll stare at his name carved on the cold grey marble tombstone..
And I will start to cry.
I love talking to my grandpa..
I've never met him before in my life...
But yet I feel a connection between the both of us....

Before grandpa left us...
He gave me the greatest and the most beautiful gift of all....
............

Thank You Grandpa...
I miss You and Grandma a lot.................


I will do the family proud... I promise!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Confession........

What if I tell you.....


I'VE ALREADY FALLEN FOR YOU...........

A day with Mummy C=

Spent a whole day of LADIES TIME OUT with mummy today!
Haircut. Shopping. Eating. From the mall to the night market.. haha

Bought a more lady-ish kind of shirt. [Its about time I got one =P]
That was when I found out something from mummy.

Mummy thinks I'm not the 'flower type' of girl. Hmmmm... Interesting eh? =s

'You are not the doll type.'
in mummy's words.
I found that really amusing.

Yea, I didn't study much this weekend. [Feeling guilty about that]
But I had a great time with mummy.

WHO CARES? muahaha.....

This song spilled EVERYTHING in my heart......

SpyDer TV crew rox!!!


SpyDer TV... how on earth did we come up with such a name for a TV station... =P
Anyway, SpyDer TV crew taught me a lot...
Sevira.Dasheni.Lek.Wei Shyang.Bryan.
U guys were AWESOME!!
DAMN CUN wei...... lolz


[I HEART you guys Creepy Crawliez!!! ]

Friday, October 15, 2010

Don't want to fall for you.....

I can't afford to play this game.
It is only a game for two.
Let's just leave it that way shall we?

I admit that I'm very emotional.
And you may think that I'm stupid.
But honestly, you made me start to wonder lately.

Yes, I am now worried about you.
And so are all your friends that care about you.
We are just hoping that you don't let us down.

You are our friend. And a very nice person in our eyes.
I hope you are as nice in the inside.
Open your eyes. Take a step back.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Biggest Fool in the History...

How could I be THAT thick?
It was so damn obvious!
We don't belong in the same world.
I don't exist in there........

It was all my own fantasy. FANTASY!
This is not the first time I feel that I'm stupid.
Yet, everytime I repeat the same mistake.
I don't learn from them.
Stupid girl!!!!
You hope for too much...!

Better concentrate on what you're suppose to do now.
Fantasies belong in dreams.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Life is a PAIN!

I SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW WHO TO TRUST ANYMORE!!!

I feel like crying now!!!
The world is getting uglier and UGLIER by the minute you grow up.....
You are making me to hate this world!!!

Give me a break will you?
Newscasting and studies are driving me to my GRAVE..
Now you are putting all the blame on ME?!!!

Feel LOST now....
What do you want from me????

Friday, October 1, 2010

When Life Gives Us Lemon, Make Lemonade.

I really couldn't believe how foolish I was that I took THIS long to realise this.......
I kept going in circles, making myself so Miserable,
When I can easily Ignore !!

It is impossible to make everyone like you... so cherish the ones who actually do~

The word 'Mercy' shouldn't be in my dictionary anymore.

Being too nice to people is seriously
Deadly to another level.......

Feelings for someone may not be easy to let go...
But still, I have to somehow convince myself that Nothing is Impossible in life...
I have confidence that one day when I look at you...
I can say to myself loud and proud:
I'm no longer under your spell!!!!